:: Parental Resources: Your Child's Story

Many people struggle and fear the day when they sit down with their child and tell them the truth of their story. Although this seems like a big mountain to climb, consider this as something that doesn't and shouldn't happen on one big momentous day.

Choosing to open up with your child is something that must be fostered from an early age. Talking about the story should happen early and often. However, many ask me, how do I do this?

This process starts the moment you take your child home. Keep in mind that this is a new relationship for the both of you. It will take time for your child to trust and accept you as their permanent caregiver. However, you can still incorporate their story into little things in your day. Talk about the airplane in the sky and how your child rode that home. Talk about certain foods that come from the child's country of origin. Dive deep into your imagination and keep it interesting to grab your child's attention.

Rehearse a formal story with your spouse or another significant family member. If you can't (or if it feels too odd), rehearse in front of the mirror. Look at your body language. Hear your tone. Analyze the words you choose. Think love; comfort; ease of flow of language. Then think smiles; hugs; love with gentle touching and eye contact.

Think of your child's ethnic and cultural background (if you know), and biological history that remains uniquely their own. What makes your child so special and unique? Tell your child in their story.

A suggestion to introduce the story is to tell the story in a fairy tale way. i.e. Once upon a time, there was this mommy and daddy (Richard and Lisa) and they wanted to have a wonderful son/daughter like you.(etc., etc.,) Keep the facts clear, true and factual. Ensure the story is consistent with your spouse and/or other key family members. These details should never change over the course of their life. Not only will this capture your child's attention and imagination, but it will prompt questions. Be prepared for questions. Again, rehearse if necessary. The most common questions will be; "Why was I left?" "Do you know who my mommy is?" "Does my mommy love me?" Although this may crush your heart to hear these questions, keep in mind that this is normal. This is your child's reality and any question they may have is valid and should not be discounted.

No matter what the questions are, stay positive and keep it age appropriate