I had a dream the other night that I adopted a baby girl from China. It was a quick and dirty freebee with no year long process. I was in China supporting an institution and they felt I would be a good mom for this young child and simply handed me this child, I signed a few papers and was on my way home. What a dream that is!

As I came home, I was beaming, overfilling with excitement and enthusiasm to introduce this new addition to my boys! I arrive at the airport, my boys were somewhat confused, but then unconditionally elated. My boyfriend (mystery man) was not happy and wore a scowl that could kill. He questioned everything; money; paperwork; called this a life-long sentence. He showed jealousy and contempt for this bundle in my arms.

I have pondered this for the last few days, as my “adoption" clock is surging to the forefront. Intellectually, I know it is NOT the right timing as I still want my career and my boys are still too young. Emotionally, I feel like jumping in and fulfilling this life-long dream. However, the deciding factor (and perhaps 10 years down the road) is that I am NOT married. For an international adoption, you must be married to be approved.

I had a lovely lunch with a colleague yesterday and I discussed why I felt this rule was wrong. If they truly took each case by case, then they would approve me, they would know I was fit, educated and perfectly familiar with raising a traumatized child. In a society where the divorce rate is just over 50%, does it really matter anymore?  And when a traumatized child only has the capability to attach to just one parent? Does marriage really matter? And when one sole person can raise this child better than two ill-equipped, naive married folks? Does marriage really matter anymore? I do understand why this rule is in place, but again, if the powers that be truly took it case by case, then I would be on my way to China…