JANET'S BLOG

Welcome to my world! This is a candid view into the intimate and delicate facets of my orphaned life. These experiences stemming from my abandonment; permanent biological disconnection; drugged institutionalization and adoption may haunt me at times, but they also humbly empower and rejuvenate my soul. Enjoy the read and hug your family!

I welcome your feedback and participation - drop me a line anytime: janet@keallfoundation.com





Funk
Posted On : 2009-02-19 19:23:31 Category : Common Issues

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I have been in a funk regarding my story for the last few months. I am not sure if I can explain how I am feeling, but generally I feel numb, disconnected to my story and I don’t like dealing with it. Lately, I don’t like to think of it, I don’t want to think that is me. I suppose I am feeling tired that this is my story. That is also why I haven’t been posting regularly.

My youngest son has expressed interest in going up to Prince Rupert (the town I was abandoned at). He is curious to be a part of my story, see where I was abandoned and see the orphanage that I lived in. I genuinely want him to be a part of it and share this experience with him, but I am not feeling strong right now. I suppose the truth behind going up to Prince Rupert would be to file my law suit against Colleen who is holding on to my infant photos. So, instead of booking that trip with him, I booked a Mexican Riviera Cruise – and maybe that is exactly what I need.

I have been invited to speak at conferences again, and not replying. I will reply and accept, I am just not “jumping” on the opportunity, I suppose. I will represent, I will be professional. I know that is what I do desire to do, I just don’t see it right now.

I have realized that I am 31 years old and I still haven’t found any biological information. That has hit me hard lately. I am also extremely upset at the fact that I have to sue a woman who has my infant photos. I have been asking lately “why does it have to be this hard?” I mean, am I too dreamy to think that someday, something surrounding my story will fall on lap with great ease? I find myself often talking about these struggles with tears in my eyes. I haven’t done that for years. I suppose I fooled myself to think that I was past that. Perhaps I need to accept that it’s ok to be connected to my loss, my truth.

Sorry for this venting, it’s not exactly positive, I know. But – it is reality and I know many other people like me think like this, perhaps it is why I can do this in such an open forum. I am not alone – and that counts for something, right?