It’s August 25th and we are now one month away to the Project Tunisia fundraiser at auto/ONE – TRUNK gallery. We are all feeling quite prepared, ecstatic by the support and excited to create a memorable night for our supporters!

We are currently sitting at a value of $10,000 in silent auction goods! When our guests arrive, they will be greeted with complimentary valet; then photographed on the red carpet by our photographer; as they enter the beautiful space they will be attended to at the bar with the music of our DJ. They will then peruse the silent auction items as they walk around and see Skoah, waiting in the glass enclosed office to offer them hand facials. Hors d’oeuvres and 300 cupcakes from Cupcakes will fill the room. Hosted by Coleen Christie of CTV, this night will truly be fantastic, and what’s even more fantastic is the caring hearts and interest by all those attending.

I look forward to seeing you all next month!

My Oma recently had her 90th birthday party. I helped with the invitations; slide show of her old photos and did photography for the event.

My Oma is like the queen of our family. We all look up to her. Although she is 90, she still incredibly “with it”, beautiful, wise and strong. I don’t think there is anything we could refuse to Oma. 

As a child, she lived directly behind my home with her husband Hans, my Opa. Looking back I must have drove them nuts with my incessant visits. I remember running home from school to then run over to her house. Yes, part of me was craving her delicious cookies from lunch time on, but there was much, much more. They were always so warm and inviting. I could be silly, hyper, talk 100 miles a minute, put on plays and tell them stories galore! Which, I typically did all at the same time. When the noise got too much to handle, my Opa would grab me and hug me in his big, black lounge chair.

My Opa died when I was around the age of 10, and many things changed. I do not handle change well, and especially loss. Not only was I aching inside (with a smile to cover it up) which was overlooked by grieving sons, daughter and other adults, my Oma was absolutely distraught. Just seeing her cry made me feel ill. So I stopped visiting. Years passed and I came around, and not before long I was again a typical fixture at her kitchen table. She taught me a lot about scrabble (I think I can beat anyone who comes my way with her techniques!), and a lot about life. She never told me I was arriving too early, or leaving to late, she was simply glad that I arrived…and I was glad that I was unconditionally welcomed.

After her 90th birthday party, I immediately sent the photos to print and mailed her a copy. She wrote back in a very prompt manner (which is again Oma’s classic style), and at the bottom of her note thanking me, she wrote:

You do know you’re part of this family I hope.

It was sad for me to read this, as I’m sure she has thought of my story, thought of my goals with my foundation and the orphans and wondered what I truly felt. I also feel that past behaviour laced in confusion and sadness may very well give her reasons to doubt, or at least check in and in a round about way, ask. I will reply in true classic prompt fashion and tell her yes, and why.

I suppose it is still sad that Oma verbalized something so tender, caring and with concern relating to the most vulnerable spot in my life. I love my Oma, I love my family.

I know I am a part of this family, but I also know I am a part of another. Some may see that as limbo land, and I can assure you it is not. I have accepted many things about my abandonment, however, I can still love my family and still hold onto HOPE.

We are pleased to announce that Coleen Christie, the anchor of CTV News at Five will be our master of ceremonies (MC)! She is a lovely woman who feels the need to support such a cause for these helpless babies.

This night is truly coming together with donations secured from top companies, such as the Sheraton Wall Centre, AG Hair, Steve Nash Sports Club and many more great companies stepping up to help these vulnerable babies.

Please contact me if you would like to participate in the silent auction. It’s filling up fast!

Ahri's chin quivers, and his large dark eyes fill with tears the 11-year-old can't control. Holding Eka Jaya, Nuraini leads son Ahri, 11, to the orphanage with dad Joni Lubis and brother Mohammed.

"Be tough. I am sorry you have to go," his grandmother whispers while hugging him.

His parents are taking Ahri to live in an orphanage. They swear they are not abandoning their son.

"I am not throwing my child away," says his mother, Nuraini, wiping away tears.

"I just want him to get a proper education. I hope that one day he'll do something useful for this country and help his brothers, because we are living in poverty."

The family lives crammed into a home that's 17 feet by 17 feet in a poor neighborhood on the outskirts of Jakarta. Nuraini runs a small shop the family opened to try to make ends meet. Ahri's father, Joni Lubis, collects bottles from the streets, selling them to plastic and glass factories. Video Watch Ahri say goodbye »

Ahri's parents make $2 to $3 a day, with about half of that going toward their daily rent. With the increased cost of living, what's left just isn't enough to send Ahri to school and to feed him and his two brothers, 3-year-old Mohammed and 7-month-old Eka Jaya.

"I never imagined it would come to this," Nuraini admits.

But for many Indonesians, it has.

More than 80 percent of children in child care institutions have both their parents, according to the most recent survey conducted in 2006 by the Indonesian government. A recent study by Save the Children, UNICEF and the government says Indonesia -- the world's fourth most populous nation -- has more orphanages than any other country.

This year, orphanages are reporting even higher number of parents giving up their children because they can no longer afford to feed them or send them to school.

In the past year, the cost of living increased beyond many people's reach. In May, a 30 percent fuel hike set off countrywide protests.

Ahri peers intently as his mother signs off custody of him to the orphanage. The other children cram their faces up against the window to see the new arrival. At least half of them at the Putra Utama 1 orphanage have been through this before as well.

"The prices have gone up. [Families] can't balance their income with the prices," orphanage staffer Utari says.

"By putting their children here, they are hoping that their children's education will improve."

It doesn't take long for Ahri to make new friends. Soon, he's stuffing rice into his mouth and chatting with the other boys.

His parents stand against the doorway and watch their son playing soccer. Here at least, there's enough space to do so.

"If my son can adapt, then I am happy," says Ahri's father, Joni Lubis. "I can see that it's calm and peaceful here. That makes me happy. So does the school -- my son can be educated."

Nuraini adds, "There has to be a better chance for my two other sons."

It's all they can hope for: that economic pressures will ease so they won't have to face such a decision again.

She was amazed at the fact that her daughter could not handle, or rather handled stress very poorly. Her daughter either violently acted out or shut down with little or no response. She says her daughter is hyper vigilant (Definition: abnormally increased arousal, responsiveness to stimuli, and scanning of the environment for threats) and can react on a dime if she feels a certain scenario is on the rise or is half played through that does not appeal to her, or rather triggers a past memory or experience. This comes and goes and just as she thinks she is on a roll, she realizes it is a continuous cycle. I suppose the real issue is that this mother did not prepare herself for this cycle, and had no idea what she was truly getting herself into when she adopted an orphaned and institutionalized child. Unfortunately, I have heard this all too often from parents.

Due to her daughter’s lack of attachment and trauma from an early age, I am more than guessing that she is suffering from Reactive Attachment Disorder and since this developed from birth in a very crucial time of development; her daughter will most likely suffer from this for the rest of her life. (For more information on RAD, please go to: www.radzebra.org).

I know many parents who dismiss this Disorder, or pay some attention to it, and when it deems to be too difficult, they either turn to anger and frustration and do too little, or they become too boisterous and alienate the child with too much of love, energy and action. It is a fine line, and there is no right answer from child to child. Doing too much could be wrong, doing too little is disastrous.

Knowing your traumatized or neglected child requires acknowledgment of developmental neurobiology. The brain develops and organizes as a reflection of developmental experience, organizing in response to the pattern, intensity and nature of sensory and perceptual experiences.

The experience of the traumatized, orphaned child is:

Fear (Mother or caretaker support leaving; deep abandonment issues)
Threat (Something bad will happen, as it has always happened in my life, I can trust no one)
Unpredictability (Everything in the world is unpredictable. I can rely on no one)
Frustration (I am not worthy of love and safety. I want love, but I can not give or receive it)
Chaos (The world is chaotic and feels unsafe - nothing is stable)
Hunger (I am hungry but do not communicate. I suppress and survive – or I hoard food like a wild animal, I can not trust when I will be fed next)
Pain (I am in great pain and react wildly – or I verbalize nothing, suppress and survive)

The traumatized child's template for brain organization is the “stress response”

Heard of cortisol and fight or flight?

To be continued…